She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
