watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
