So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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