dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
