Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
