nut hugger
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
