we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
