They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
