So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
