I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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