I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
