That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
