The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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