I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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