Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
