I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
