Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
