She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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