I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
