shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
