So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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