I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
