So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
