my vag is so smooth its legendary
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
