I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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