Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
