I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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