that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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