Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
