i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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