We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We're too hungover to prance.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
