going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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