did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
