He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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