can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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