Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
