new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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