yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
