The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am mentally ready for anal.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
