Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
