dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
