You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
