I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
