I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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