I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
