dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
