i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
