'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You smell like stripper and shame
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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