If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
