so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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