yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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