So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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