So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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